Separation When Beginning PreSchool
By Jennie Ivazian, Preschool Class Teacher & Director
The beginning of the school year (especially when school is going to be a new experience) is an exciting time for children and families. It is also a time that can have layers of worry and uncertainty woven in with the excitement and anticipation. As a co-op preschool, we have a beautiful opportunity to offer families the ability to customize an approach to separation that validates and supports the unique combination of feelings and needs for everyone involved.
Preschoolers come to school at different stages of familiarity with parent/child separation. At Cupertino Co-op we work collaboratively with families toward the goal of healthy separation and independence for the child. Children benefit from creating healthy, loving relationships with other trusted adults and learning how to navigate peer relationships in the school environment. Our school is a safe and supportive place for children to discover how capable and independent they can be as they encounter confidence-building opportunities to practice problem solving, decision making, and emotional resilience. These skills are the foundation of happiness, self esteem, and academic success!
A work parent leading one of many activities that can engage children right after drop off to help with an easier transition.
It is our shared focus as a community to follow each child’s lead regarding separation readiness. During parent orientation and throughout the first month of school, we encourage parents to discover and acknowledge their own personal feelings around separating (as distinct from their child’s). We endorse a gentle transition to separation, and initially, parents may stay at school with their child as long as their schedule allows. HOWEVER -- it is ultimately our duty as teachers to support and facilitate healthy separation, and we highly value the benefits that come when children feel SAFE, LOVED and READY to explore the classroom environment on their own. For these reasons, once teachers observe that a child is settled and familiar with the adults and children in our community, we will often ask the parent to begin initiating healthy goodbyes.
A common approach to gradually increasing the length of time a child is separated from their adult at CCNS may include these steps:
At first having a parent attend school with their child is sometimes the right fit. We often ask that the parent (as much as possible) remains in view but out of the main stream of activity. This is a good opportunity for them to observe and note any questions they may have.
Eventually, rather than remaining in view, bringing a book or quiet activity and staying present in the kitchen or office as a “security base” but not as an active play facilitator can be a helpful next step. Staying there and encouraging their child to connect with their teacher, another adult or a child they are comfortable with can be a bridge to a sense of safety at school. Our goal is to help children develop trust by experiencing the responsive support of their community.
Being patient. Children often need time to observe an active environment before choosing how to participate. In time, the distance between the parent and child will increase as they gain confidence in themselves and in other children and adults at school.
Connecting and engaging at the beginning of class with the teacher creates a positive start to the day, leading to an easier transition to full separation.
The work of separation looks different for all children and families. For some families, a less gradual approach may be preferred and/or necessary. This can be based on practical family needs (schedules, etc.) and/or the temperament of their child. For some children, a quicker goodbye can be more productive than a prolonged one, especially when it gives them the chance they need to process their own emotions independently and effectively. Of course they are always in the supportive presence of the caring adults at school, but a child who is given the time and space to move through big feelings in their own way is often able to settle into the environment and begin exploring with an authentic and well-deserved sense of freedom and control.
The beauty of working on separation with young children and their families in the early childhood education setting is rooted in working together to find a right fit approach. When we approach the work with care and trust, and place the physical and emotional safety of the child as the top priority, separation can become a positive foundational experience. A thoughtful separation process is highly rewarding and empowering for the child, and ultimately allows them to freely engage in their school environment with a true sense of ownership, belonging, and pride.
